Wife going away for a few weeks…..

No need for words, I think. ;) 

Not my Last Post.

10/3/2008 - Edit: This post, and a few of the previous ones were written under the quite appalling effects of SSRI withdrawal, and on the advice of my betters have been deleted. That’s why they were so virtually suicidal. Feeling better now, still don’t need medicating - thankfully - and so normal service will be resumed shortly. But I have to leave this post here, to remind myself, and as a marker for when the tide went out, and nearly didn’t return.

I know now that I am one of the luckiest people alive.

A very personal view of SSRI medication, and withdrawal.

Recently in the news, especially in the UK and USA, there has been a lot of discussion centering around a scientific report that claims that SSRI (Selective Serotonin Receptive Inhibitors) have very little effect when tested against placebos, and that this research uncovered previously unobtainable test results that the various drug companies carried out prior to launching the drugs into the market. Lawyers get ready to line your pockets now, at least in the US.

Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, Paxil, all medications that are now in question for their impact on depressive disorders, and their over prescription by many doctors as the easy way way out of solving a patient’s apparent depression.

 

I was first diagnosed with a “major” depressive disorder about 2 years ago, and have run through the gamut of SSRI types, along with benzodiazepine dosage, for what is termed “General Anxiety Disorder.” My latent alcoholism exacerbated matters, until I got that under control only recently.

Before this study was even announced, I had voluntarily taken myself off the Paroxetine (PAXIL, or SEROXAT) regime that that I was on, because life was flat, meaningless, devoid of emotional stimuli that is part of everyday life. Libido non-existant, and lethargic to the degree of just not caring anymore.

These SSRI medications are extremely powerful, and indeed can cause serious dependency - the withdrawal from Paroxetine is tortuous, and may yet continue for months, just visit www.paxilprogress.org for the full truth about this particular drug - and I am suffering considerably as a result.

Did they ever help? The short answer is “yes” I was able to overcome social phobias and anxiety disorders in situations that normally I could never have coped with.

Was I on them too long? Jury still out on that one, but I believe that I was, and that after the initial treatment my doctor and I should have reduced or eliminated the drug usage in order to not develop the dependency that is evident when stopping this medication.

Over a month later, I feel more “natural” - more aware of joy and sadness - but I still get mood swings, although as my wife has so cogently put it “you were always like that. Only the drink made you into a different person.”

Am I glad to be off the medication? 100%. Would I ever consider such treatment again? Probably not. But when you are looking into a great deep black hole, and nothing is stopping you from falling in, well, then I think such medications can help. But not without support from family, friends, doctor and counsellors.

My grandfather was an alcoholic who died relatively young. My youngest brother committed suicide at the age of 17. Both my parents are on anti-depressant medication, and have been for years. Perhaps there are genes that predispose one to extreme behavior, or depressive “disorders.”

I am lucky to have a wife that is patient, tolerant and understanding. Without her, I would probably…..but let’s not go there, because it is impossible to say what might have been my future. Just be grateful for what I have. And I am.

I am still fighting to put my life back in order, and lead a normal life with all the strength that I can muster - because I’ve seen the alternatives, and I won’t go that route. Never. Never again.

The things people search for!

I know that you all experience this, and most of you with actual readerships to a much greater degree than I, but it never ceases to amaze me which search terms have led people to this blog.

Latest searches:

penis tattoo
lime green yellow paint
vw bug interior
fender bass
tattoo outline
swallow tattoo
the cure
terence goh
minilaptop
tattoo view
tattooed penis
tattoo reference pain
fender bass
needling tattoos
fish tattoo

OK,  doubtless some of these are relevant, but penis tattoo or tattooed penis! This search comes up (for want of a better expression) every fricking day. I do not remember ever mentioning tattooing penises, and just for the record it is one of the places that I do not have any ink! Apparently the English actor Oliver Reed had a snake tattooed on his, which kind of follows some strange logic, as it wouldn’t look too odd as it stretched out, LOL!

Got me thinking though, it’s either one of those places where it really wouldn’t hurt that much, or it would be seriously sensitive to pain - you’d be surprised at which areas hurt the most and which are relatively easy. What design to get though, and who would I trust to do it? (Who would want to do it!) No, I think it’s best left un-inked - I’ll just get it pierced* instead!

*Never in a 100 years is anyone piercing my old chap. For definite.

Another tattoo view.

The view from the person being tattooed. Strangely relaxing.

Singapore Tattoo 002, originally uploaded by Grant S.

 

Another Singapore Tattoo

Singapore Tattoo 001, originally uploaded by Grant S.

Something about tattoos - they can get addictive. When in Singapore, I also had another small dragon done, on my right inner forearm.

Pictures taken by my incompetent assistant, (not Mrs S. on this occasion) who was more terrified at the thought of the pain, than concentrating on taking pictures

 

 

 

Starting the inking

 

Artist at work - inflicting pain